We get it. It’s no secret that modern dating can be a bit of a shitstorm.
Are you currently navigating the online dating world, filtering through endless matches on the apps and feeling like everyone is ‘still figuring out their dating goals’ and has no idea what they are actually looking for?
You might not even know what it is you’re looking for! So naturally, when you think you might have solved that mystery and found it in a potential partner, it can feel exciting.
And it should! We want dating to feel enjoyable, right? But to keep your emotional wellbeing in check it can be helpful to learn how to mindfully manage these initial feelings so they don’t lead you astray.
It can feel exhausting and confusing when a connection you were genuinely invested in ends up being a mismatch or just another situation-ship. Research actually suggests that dating apps and these experiences can have a negative impact on our mental health, increasing feelings of depression, anxiety, burn out and deflated self-esteem.
You may have already had experiences where you have found yourself over-investing or becoming attached too quickly to someone you are excited about in the online dating space, only to be disillusioned or disappointed down the line. So how do we slow this down and build healthier dating habits?
Fantasy Vs Reality: Understanding The Difference
When online dating, be mindful not to build up a false image of someone based on how they portray themselves on their dating profile or social media page. Remind yourself this may not be the full picture of who they are and in reality, it takes a lot of time and communication to discern if someone is actually a good fit for you. Expand your window of assessment and assess for red and green flags over time.
Bring in Dialectics.
Therapy tricks while swiping? Why not. Dialectics, a concept of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) emphasises finding balance between opposing thoughts. This can be a helpful approach to dating as it allows for more psychological flexibility and can promote emotional resilience. To apply this you might think to yourself, “I’m excited about where this could go AND I recognise there is more I need to know before I become emotionally invested” – both can be true, at the same time.
Communicate, Communicate…
Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship, even in the initial stages of dating. If you are noticing you are becoming emotionally invested in someone but there is ambiguity around wether they feel the same way or want the same things as you longer term, discuss it. Being vulnerable can be scary but it is also a great way to determine if your person of interest has the maturity and emotional availability for a real connection.
Love Thyself
When we don’t focus enough on ourselves, we tend to over-invest in others. If you’re dating online, you’d be surprised how much emotional energy this takes up. Make sure you’re feeling your cup outside of relationships! Pick up a new hobby – or go back to something you used to love doing – start a new book, plan a weekend away with friends, bond with family and limit the time spent on dating apps. You’ll be surprised how doors open up when you
So… Therapy…
Sure sure, we have to say this. But another great way to stay grounded and self-focused while dating and exploring new connections is therapy. Therapy can serve as a safe space where you can really unpack what is coming up for you during the dating process on a deeper level, explore your attachment wounds and clarify what you need in relationships.
It can help you really understand what it is you’re looking for in a partner, from a values standpoint, so that you can break cycles of toxic relationships, and truly hone in on someone that is best for you.
Our Indigo psychologists and counsellors are carefully curated to ensure you get the support you really need, from someone who really gets you.
Get matched to a therapist today.
