A Lamp in the Darkness

What is Trauma?

Have you ever been triggered? Set off into an anxious spin or a cold shut down by a seemingly innocent thing? Like a tone of voice, a look on someone’s face, a smell, a song, a saying? 

If the answer’s yes, then you’ve probably experienced what we call trauma.

One definition we resonate with is what trauma expert Gabor Maté writes in his book, The Myth of Normal: “Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you”. It’s a psychic injury in response to events that are difficult or hurtful (not the events themselves).

The Catastrophic and The Ordinary – Two Types of Trauma

If you’re used to thinking of trauma in relation to catastrophic events, you might wonder if you’ve actually experienced trauma. You might think: “but I don’t have it as bad as other people do…”.

The truth is painful things happen to many of us. 

‘Big T’ and ‘Small t’ trauma

Here’s a distinction. 

There’s what’s called ‘big T’ trauma – a response to abuse, neglect, accidents, loss, poverty, racism, oppression, war, disaster.

And then there’s ‘small t’ trauma, which might be caused by seemingly ordinary events, like being bullied at school, being repeatedly criticised by a parent, or simply the experience of not having your emotional needs for attunement met. 

On this last one, which could be common to us all, Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps The Score, says: “Trauma is when we are not seen and known.”

The Effect of Unresolved Trauma

Trauma spoils the present moment. It keeps your mind, body, and nervous system stuck in ‘trauma time’. This is “the tyranny of the past”, as Peter Levine, a leading trauma psychologist, calls it.

The Effect on Your Self 

Because trauma is so painful, one coping mechanism is to suppress the parts of you that hurt, which, as Gabor Maté says, “fragments the self”. 

Keeping those parts of your identity in the shadows, cloaked in shame, prevents you from feeling whole and living in high self-worth.

The Effect on Your Relationships

To avoid being triggered, you might say “no” to a dinner party because you’re afraid of seeing a certain (non-threatening) person.

You might yell at your mother about the smallest thing, and then regret how fiery you got. 

You might suddenly go limp and silent with your intimate partner, and miss out on the fun date you spent weeks planning. 

In essence, you show up with others as less than your full self. 

Getting Triggered, Again and Again

The hard truth is that until you heal your wounds, you’ll keep getting triggered. 

At the slightest hint of danger, you’ll get stressed and angry and frightened (what’s known as fight or flight), or you’ll shut down and check out (freeze), or you’ll people-please (fawn).

We can push away our trauma all we want, pretend it doesn’t exist, but as Bessel van der Kolk explains, “the part of our brain that is devoted to ensuring our survival … is not very good at denial”. 

Healing Your Wounds – Working with a Trauma Therapist

Do you want to move on from the past and feel fully alive in the present? 

If so, you might decide to work with a trauma therapist – a psychologist, psychotherapist, or counsellor specialised in working with trauma.

These are some of the imprints of trauma they can help you with:

• flashbacks 
• nightmares
• dysregulated emotion
• anxiety and hypervigilance
• avoidance of certain people, places, activities 
• negative beliefs about yourself, others, or the world 
• persistent feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, numbness

And with a handle on these, you’ll be closer to living fully in the here and now.

Thinking, Feeling, Sensing, and Imagining: Modalities of Healing in Trauma Therapy

Your trauma therapist might use a mix of modalities on your path to becoming whole. 

We’ve come to learn how important the body is when healing from trauma, and many of these approaches work on restoring the balance between the rational brain (in charge of reason) and the emotional brain (in charge of physical reactions to help you escape from danger). 

Here’s a few:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
• Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Somatic Therapy
• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• Exposure Therapy
• Emotion-focused Therapy
• Psychedelic-assisted Therapy

The Difference Your Therapist Will Make

The path of healing is described beautifully by Hillary McBride, author of The Wisdom of Your Body, when she says: “We heal when we can be with what we feel.” 

Yes, we know, feeling your pain can be scary. But lucky you’ll have a companion – when you feel ready, your trauma therapist will take you gently into your trauma memories while anchoring you in the safety of the present moment. They’ll be like a lamp guiding you in the darkness.

With their help, your brain and body will learn – through neuroplasticity and somatic experience – that the danger has well and truly passed.

Your Therapist’s Expertise in Trauma

If your therapist is trained in trauma therapy, they’ll have learnt about the impact of trauma, abuse, and neglect in childhood and later life, and have mastered techniques that help with calm, mindfulness, self-awareness, laying the trauma to rest, and building quality relationships. 

It might be wise for you to choose a therapist who also has an interest or certification in trauma-informed practices such as yoga, mindfulness, somatics, or EMDR. 

Ask questions and check in with yourself when choosing your therapist – do you feel comfortable with this person? Do you feel safe? Do they seem at ease with themselves and in how they relate to you?

Your Therapist’s Unique Way of Relating to You

Many people don’t experience being truly seen and heard as their real self. Not with their friends, family, or intimate partner.

But with your therapist, it can be different. 

A good trauma therapist is empathetic, patient, non-judgmental, and attuned – you might start to feel truly safe in their presence. You might begin to express your emotions without holding back like you normally do in social settings (we’ve all apologised for crying before). 

It’s a gift to be witnessed just as you are.

The Gift of Trauma Therapy

Here at The Indigo Project, we’re dedicated to helping you heal. 

“Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself”, Bessel van der Kolk says. We believe you can be in charge – of your mind, body, and soul – once again. 

If this sounds good to you, get in touch with our team and you’ll begin your online therapy journey with one of our trauma therapists very soon.