What turns you on?
More than ever, people are getting to know their sexual selves and owning what turns them on. There’s a communal desire to feel more pleasure, realness and intimacy in sex with themselves and others and it has sparked a revolution.
There’s a shift in sex and expectations in our culture brought out by media and news, people sharing their experiences publicly on social media, equal marriage rights, and people coming together all over the world to stand up for what they believe in. While calling it a “revolution” seems huge, it also feels right. Flowing on from a dramatic rise in practices like yoga, tantra and meditation, there is now a greater push to not only engage with but also research the benefits of these Eastern traditions. For the first time, research is being conducted on a neurological level so we can now actually see how mindful practices impact our body, brain development and nervous system.
There’s more information about sex than ever before and new resources are being created every day for people to explore authentic sexual empowerment and reclaim their sensuality. People are wanting to learn how to be more embodied and connect (or re-connect) with their sensual selves. They want to get back into their bodies because they have felt out of touch for far too long. Now more than ever there is a growing need for spaces and practices that integrate mindfulness with sex, with presence and pleasure, to allow our community to explore heightened connections with their sexuality.
Here at The Indigo Project we’ll be playing our part in the revolution by bringing mindfulness to sexuality. This will be reflected in the sessions, courses and workshops we run on sex, pleasure and intimacy this year.
In the meantime, here are a few things you can start doing to explore your sensual capacities when having sex or self-pleasuring.
- Be inquisitive and listen to your body. Treat sex like an exploration, without the goal of climax. Self pleasuring regularly without a goal can build new neural pathways in the brain when aroused during sex. Try stopping before you climax, go slowly, take time with your body, your genitals and practice savouring every sensation as it arises. If something feels good, go with it! If it’s uncomfortable or painful, stop. Some cues you can give yourself or your partner “I wonder what it would feel like if…”, “I’d like to explore softer/harder/faster/slower/gentler/wilder touch”
- Focus your attention through all of your senses. Touch is often the only sense people are aware of when it comes to sex, but all of your senses can be really effective in bringing you back into your body and the present moment. It can also work to heighten states of arousal and increase pleasure.
- Observe thoughts that come up without being attached to them. “What am i going to eat after this” or “shit i forgot to reply to stacey”… it’s so easy to get distracted, and it happens often in sex. Without getting annoyed that you slipped out of the moment, breathe, and come back to your senses. You can practice being present in a mindful masterbation session or sex with a partner/s. Start with a mindfulness practice where either you or someone else strokes your genitals, with no goal other than to feel whatever sensations are occurring in either person’s body in each moment. Another way you can practice mindfulness is to slow down and notice the sensations you are feeling in your body throughout the day.
- Bring attention to how and where you feel sexual (it could be your ears, it could be your knees!) Ask yourself where you feel sexual, and spend time observing what that feels like. What kind of touch would heighten this? What would make you feel more sensual? If you don’t know, experiment.
- Be patient and kind to your body and your ‘sensual journey’. Sometimes, you won’t feel anything at all, other days, you may experience a spine tingling body orgasm. An array of feelings can come up in sex, and that’s all a part of your sensual journey towards your sexual identity. Sex is a practice, so treat it like that… and practice often.
There’ll be heaps on offer this year to continue this exploration and dive deeper into pleasure and intimacy.
Stay tuned and turned on.
Sex and Intimacy Coach at The Indigo Project (read more about my bio here.)
If you want to explore how to bring more mindfulness to sex, we're hosting an eight week Pleasure course starting 28th March.