Where did you learn about intimacy? Who taught you how to be intimate?
It’s these key questions that really highlight the roots of where we learn about intimacy, especially when it comes to SEX. For most of us, I am sure sex was a ‘taboo’ subject. It was probably rarely discussed at the dinner table and not exactly something mum and dad would openly share with the kids.
I can vaguely remember when I was about 6 or 7 years old and discovering the amazing concept of masturbation. Naturally, this was on my own, with no guidance, where I was able to honour my body blissfully. I just knew I liked humping blankets a lot and if it felt good, why would I not do it.
One day, I was in the living room watching TV with my parents and I don’t remember much but I do remember, by some miracle, finding myself on the floor and having a beautifully ecstatic moment with my blankets. The next moment saw my mum say, “Tristan, what are you doing?! Don’t do that here! Stop that!”
From this first experience of public affection, I have lived my life never humping a blanket in public again. All humour aside, it wasn’t until I was older that I realised the guilt, judgement and barriers that were presented to me in these early innocent experiences and explorations of my self and my body. What I’m trying to get at is that sex, as a concept in society, is something that is only really discussed behind closed doors. There are so many conditions around it that never allow us to embrace it, which is why it’s ‘taboo’ to talk about.
Mindful intimacy is all about being aware of your intimacy – on all levels. The questions you can ask yourself include: how do you like it? How you do share it? Why can’t you share it? What barriers do you have? The list goes on.
Understanding your answers to these questions is the first step in cultivating a more mindful way to intimacy and sex, and to get you connecting with your partner on a whole new level.
Intimacy is more than the act of sex. We build up so many barriers, both internal and external, around intimacy and connecting with our partner that we aren’t always aware of where these walls came from or how we can start to break them down.
Join wellness warrior Tristan Young on Monday, September 26, as he facilitates a workshop on teaching the practical skills on how to deal with the anxieties that show up in the bedroom and how to get a handle on them way before you reach the bed. Book your spot for the class here.